For my whole life I’ve thought about how the world sees P@lestine. I’m considered ‘white passing’ or ‘ethnically ambiguous’ to white people, so I’ve lived like a ghost wading through America, seeing but not experiencing. I’ve sunken deep into the privilege that comes with living in America that I’ve obliged to the pressured to conform, to not disturb American comfort and silence. I’ve learned a painful lesson from not speaking up, even if I would have been literally the only one doing so. Now I see how the complacency of white supremacy had had its hold on me. I will never be silent again.

             In college, there were flyers around campus about a study abroad trip to Occupied P@lestine. (I will not recognize the state that refuses to treat or even acknowledge P@lestinians as humans.) It felt like I was the only one who took pause after seeing the flyer. It was sponsored by the music program and promised to be a wonderful, unforgettable trip to a truly beautiful land. How wonderful it must to easily go to such a historic place, the same one where countless generations of my family have lived, until they were not allowed to exist there anymore because they were of a nationality that was trying be erased. I read it thinking there might a small mention of G@za or the WB, any small acknowledgment on this printed piece of paper to show that although they may be ignorant, they’re not that shamelessly ignorant. I thought of contacting the professor organizing the trip. I wanted to ask her what she planned to do in regard to teaching the history of the bloodied grounds they’d be stomping around on. Did she not have a responsibly to teach the students? What would she do if I went on the trip and was not allowed entry due to my ethnicity? Would it even get that far, or would she tell me to give it up? I didn’t have the language or speaking skills to discuss any of this with her. Instead, I wrote ‘Free P@lestine’ and drew the flag on a blank printer label and the next day, terrified, quickly placed it on the bottom corner on one of the flyers. The next day the flyer was taken down.

            That sticker was my futile form of protest. This was around 2017. There was no discussion of Z!onism. Anything criticizing the Occupied Land was swiftly deemed @ntisemitic and any and all discussion was shut down. Based on my twenty-something years of existing I knew that information on P@lestine and the history of the occupation was so nonexistent that my rebuttal would be seen as ‘excuses’ for antisemitism. I might as well have announced that I was a member of the KKK or a neo-N@zi. They’d be starting from a place of not knowing anything; of course they’d see the facts as implausible. It’s so insidious; how could any of it have possibly gone on and they never heard about it? The conversation was dominated by Z!onist propaganda even before anyone realized there was a conversation to be had. I was just starting to build the life I never thought I’d have, and I stayed complicit and silent to prevent my greatest fear at the time: explosion. It was cowardly.

             I spend my formative years in a majority white, Republican town in ______. I did not realize this until there were Trump flags outside houses and MAGA stickers on traffic signs. That helped me pinpoint exactly what was so off about the town and why I felt like I never fit in. I’m apparently extremely ethnically ambiguous, and my name gets mispronounced with confidence that I was good enough to been deemed white and slid under their radar (racially) (for the most part). I was already extremely shy and the new kid at one point, so I wasn’t going to make myself the outcast any more than I had to, although I did fast during school and would always truthfully say I didn’t celebrate Christmas, which tipped people off at some point. It wasn’t until high school that I encountered more curious people who weren’t satisfied with an answer of ‘Middle Eastern’ or ‘Arab’. The blank stares and ‘oh’s are so ingrained that I forgot that it’s actually weird for people to have that reaction when you tell them your family’s place of origin. There were the occasional history/political buff who knew of P@lestine and would reply with a more flat and slightly sympathetic ‘…oh.’ Growing up this way felt like P@lestine did not exist outside my family or the Arab/Muslim community. P@lestine was truly unheard of to white people, a sad sign of how deeply rooted and effective Z!onist propaganda for P@lestinian erasure was in America. My P@lestinian identity never had to come out or interact with my white world. Even when I tried, like in tenth grade when my teenage angst had me wanting to show off how unique and different I was, the only thing that seemed to change to those around me was that I suddenly began wearing more red, green and black.

            As an adult, I see how I spent my whole life living in my privilege and perpetuating the silence on P@lestine. But where was the place or when was the time to speak up? If Americans were just as ignorant as ever, what could I have done or said? I think the answer boils down to who. P@lestinian Americans, Arabs, and Muslims have always spoken up for the injustices that were continuously ignored by every other community around them. The unfortunate truth is the world (especially Americans) will not listen to these groups. That’s been apparent for a while now. What has changed and why people are so actively supporting Palestine is because white groups are now taking a stand. Palestine has ‘gone mainstream’ and there are pros and cons, but what catches me off guard is how many white people and Americans in general now understand that P@lestine is an @partheid state and how’s it’s a clear example of how humanity has failed us yet again. Even more importantly, there seem to be more Jews than ever that are speaking out, that have come to realize that the promises of Z!onism came at the expense of innocent lives, ethn!c cle@nsing, and an ongoing genoc!de that has reached a new phase. Another huge part are the brave journalists and regular-people-turned-journalists who are sharing the unfiltered and unimaginable truth. I genuinely don’t understand how what they’ve done is not enough.

            The conversation about P@lestine can never go back being a black-and-white, taboo issue, and I don’t think it will. It might unfortunately fade, but people will not forget what they’ve seen. The problem is the people who are outraged are not ones with direct or executive power. What is crucial to this turn of consciousness are the voices of the Jewish community. They have the power to hold the politicians in Occupied P@lestine and America accountable since every atrocity being committed is said to be for the benefit and safety of those people, two religions, and all of humanity or whatever. P@lestine needs anti-Z!onist Jews to speak up, to learn the factual history devoid of religion or politics, to demand the ongoing genoc!de, ethn!c cle@nsing, @partheid, and settler coloni@lism not be done in their name. Take away the popularity of their misguided narrative. Devoid their propaganda of power. Standing united with the all the other outspoken groups and movements can put enough pressure to counter the opposing force, the other side that cajoles one ear of politicians at all times: corrupt Z!ionst wealth.