What is there to say? Seriously.

I have a lot to say but I don’t say it and I think it’s because not saying it is my reaction to the survivor’s guilt I’m feeling. Deep down I knew this would happen, just not now now. Maybe I would have known the time was now if I paid closer attention. Sometimes I get petty and angry when I see everyone donning the flag and symbols that always seemed invisible to them before, and also specifically mine as I struggled with my identity in a largely white and ignorant town. A part of me feels like some take it as trend… that I’m certain. In a year or two, they will be cleaning out their dorm or shared apartment and find remnant P flags and a K scarve from when they joined in on the outrage and will let it die when things seem ‘not as bad’.

I’m bitter it took so long, I guess. Every video I see online starts with an attention-grabbing tactic (whether they know they’re doing it or not) and I remain unsurprised because they’re either revealing something I’ve known true my whole life or am just overall unsurprised in the inhumanity. I’m aware I’m being a bitch and ‘better late than never’, but I think my problem is I think it’s all too late. It’s too late. It’s too fucking late. Even though there’s been a huge influx in support (from what I can tell), everything that matters is heavily stacked against the people living in P: money, power, politics, control, religion, propaganda, racism, apartheid, allyships, enemies, ethnic cleansing… We’re still squabbling over definitions. The fucking pres__ent proudly proclaimed to be a Z. The world let them get too powerful. Too ruthless. Too immoral. Like a spoiled brat who is never held accountable.

Whatever hope I get from seeing huge groups of people around the whole finally learn and stand up for P, is promptly slashed by the words, actions, lies, bigotness and greed of politicians and those with power.

I was right. I’m right when I say (in extremely simplified terms) that the bad outweighs the good in this world.

(A bit angst-y at the end there; I could probably use better words to make it be more meaningful, but you should know as well as me that in these past eleven months, I’m not one to go back and edit. These times make even less inclined.)